So I’m sitting here in a place where I can see the beauty of Winter from a warm spot on the other side of the window.  Thinking about yet another Table experience.

“And what do You do?  What does your life consist of?”

We were sitting at a table for four.  We were Four.

The restaurant is hip and happening and the choice had been theirs,  the other two.  It was a place that would not be my choice.

In fact, it was their treat.  A sort of Thank You for help with acquisition of a position.  Not My help.

They were, those two plus one of us, lawyers of sorts. My husband,  A judge and Her husband who incidentally is important in the legal world, here in this city

And Me.

They were friendly and included me in the conversation which at times floated somewhere over my head.  That talk rarely bores me.  I am most often amazed at how some people understand so much about the world, as the law sees it  and they have a philosophy about how it goes ’round.   Frequently I have reservations about their philosophies and am continuing to learn when to bite my tongue and when to speak up.  When to ask questions and when to listen only.

This is not my World.  Well, maybe in some unusual way it is, by default and as a result of God’s sense of,

I don’t know,

humour?  Irony?  intent to teach?

I have been placed, none too gently into this cosmos of higher learned people.  Oh this is not some sort of put down of myself.

I know who I am

and who I am is somebody pretty amazing because of God’s miraculous plan to show His greatness.

He is so big that He can take a wayward, strong willed, broken, self centered lump of clay and do something beautiful with it.  I am a particularly tough project.

I

For as long as He gives me breath to live

will be being molded and shaped and “thrown” and handled carefully and then reshaped and placed in the fire and He will never remove me from that workshop of His.

He loves me too much and because of His Love He never casts me aside.

So

the nice man with the important job wondered

Who I Am.

It is the question I wait for.  Always preparing for.  Slightly anxious about.  It’s the question asked at times when I am most nervous about answering.

I am thankful for the job I am allowed to have, the mantle I wear.  It’s a tough one, although from the perspective of many, it might appear mundane or

less than.

Sometimes when I answer the question, I see a pair of eyes blankly staring back as though the listener is pondering, wondering if they have heard correctly.  It may have something to do with their interaction with my husband.  Maybe it is confusing that someone so

regular (me)

could be married, for so many years, to someone known for his intellect and ability to understand the less understandable ideas of rules and regulations, the law. (him)

Sometimes, the response is one of affirmation as to the sacrifice made, to do what I do.  Giving up higher education (which I wasn’t particularly interested in), spending so many days and hours at home (which I love to do) sacrificing a high powered job( which I was not created for) to do what I do.

I am learning to answer honestly about who I am and not just what I do

or don’t do.

I have given a whole lot of answers to that question over the years and it’s been asked of me a whole lot of times.  But on this particular night, at that table with those people who I found slightly intimidating, I did not think long.

He asked and I answered, quickly and truthfully.

I am a caregiver, to quite a few people.  I listen and wait.  My gift is hospitality and I use it whenever I can, to encourage people.  

Sometimes, although that night I did not, I add that I am a follower of Jesus and He tells me what to do and when to do it.  That night, because it was our first get together, I did not share how I am broken and needing to be rescued from a life that is futile, by the only one who can truly rescue.

I might have a second try, to tell them.

Maybe, as we suggested, that might happen sitting around our own dining room table.  That night I left an impression.  I’m not sure what it was, but I am confident those two don’t meet many like me.  I hardly even know any big words and I know almost nothing about the law, except for the usual things like, don’t steal, don’t speed, don’t kill people, don’t text and drive…

Those ones are important.   Our World would manage to live more peaceably if everybody would heed the laws of the land.  Having said this and knowing it to be true,

it’s the Other law, you know,

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, the one most neglected/disregarded/ignored

that is Most important.

Not sure Those Two, the ones we had dinner with, know about it.

If there is anything they remember, I hope it’s that our dinner together was somehow different.  Different enough to cause them to wonder.

As for being different, I have been considering something else

of late.

I went searching for that verse, about doing everything in moderation.  You know, we quote it to each other.  Do everything in moderation.  

Couldn’t find it.

There are lots of verses about self control and being reasonable and being watchful.  We are warned about being lukewarm (it’s not a good thing) as opposed to being Hot or Cold, about God.

We are supposed to be very Hot in seeking and following God

We like to say, Everything in Moderation, because it gives us the freedom to decide What and How Much.  The instructions to be self controlled are for people who want to be like Jesus.    If Jesus isn’t our point of reference, self control will mean something less than, other than pleasing Him.  I am compelled to be self controlled,  because the reward is great.  

The truth is, if we are self controlled (which we are instructed to be) it will be obvious in our behaviour.  Call it moderation, call it staying cool.  Call it keeping calm. Call it holding your attitude in check.

Self Control!  Sometimes illusive.  Sometimes called moderation.

I want it to be abundant.  Overflowing.

I Corinthians 9:25 says Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.

Philippians  4:5 says;  Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;  

I love Philippians 4:5.  I am not always reasonable and I want to be.  Maybe when I am reasonable it will look  UN-reasonable to philosophers and big thinkers.  My heart’s desire is to be the kind of reasonable that God likes.  If I am That kind of reasonable, then He can use it and turn it into something that attracts people to Him.  He’s good at that.  Using the unexpected for good.

When I sit at a table with people who are more knowledgable than me about the things the World thinks are important, my prayer is that they will see

reasonable.  Different.  Overflowing.

It might confuse them but because I am in the potters hands, He can turn reasonable into something understandable.

It’s about Him. Always has been.  Always will be.