All posts by pamelastaley@hotmail.com

Out of His Infinite Riches

life

Summer and we are dressed in shirts with no sleeves and skirts made of cotton and linen.  Our legs are bare, sandaled feet with coloured toes.

It’s my favourite, this season.  They say it’s better to have four seasons and truth is

Seasons are good.  Each has it’s own beauty and this Country is full and someone said just a few days ago that we don’t need to travel to other continents and lands because the exploring in our own

is endless.

Yet there is much to see in our World and I hope we don’t ruin the beauty in every corner

in Any corner

because

what a shame that would be.

In the beautiful place just north where there is often silence except for birds and crickets and sometimes a breeze

there is a path made of stones.

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They’re big, the stones

and heavy and they’re stacked to make steps

from just outside

to the wood path where the red chairs perch

right

next

to the water.

It’s calm and when it’s early or late and I am

at the edge

and even my heart, my soul feels like it is sitting on the edge, I’m thankful

for sight and sound and I wonder at the beauty in Heaven because what I’m looking at is more than I can describe.  Bigger.

Feeling, is blessing and curse because there’s just no telling when it will rear it’s head

wrap itself around my heart and bring lovely or darkness.  Beauty or sad.  Sunny happiness or misty grey.

Today was full of feeling.  I sat at one table and then at another table.  First was coffee with a friend and the next was lunch with another friend and our talk was similar.  We shared and opened and smiled and we learned from each other.  We dug deep and when I sit with these, I come away with much.

The lunch friend talked about the steps we figuratively climb or descend and reminded me of what I already know but isn’t it so good to be reminded of what we already know and it’s this

God gives me just enough light to see the step I’m on.  

At both, coffee and lunch, we talked about Living Present because one day it will be done and what disappointment, to look back and realize we spent all of the today’s thinking about the yesterdays or the tomorrows.  To sit and look across a table and listen and learn is rich.  Drink in and come away with quenched thirst and full heart.  Tonight I’m tired and full of thoughts to think about as I rest.

The coffee friend talked about how she is so thankful for friends since she is alone in her house now.  I’ve told you about her before and She has a friend who reminded her recently of how good it is that she has precious friends and my friend said back

yes, she does have dear and precious ones and then they go home and there she is

alone

except the really good news is that she isn’t,

alone

because she is never without Jesus and He is her dearest friend and then I just could not help myself.  That fulness.  The blessing of feelings, wrapped itself around my heart and I was so overjoyed for her and yet broken for her and the blur came and I couldn’t see her for just a few seconds.  She was so beautifully guileless and transparent and I felt her sincerity.  It was truth to her

and also to me and I was thankful for her and she was pure blessing and I thought and then thought more about whether He

Jesus

is so dear to me that it just doesn’t matter about not seeing anything but the very step I’m on. When it’s tempting to worry about the next step and the next minute is uncertain, just like my coffee friend said

“when you have Jesus you have everything.”

There’s a song about Him and what He has to offer.  He offers the best.

The song is about Mercy and strength and His multiplied peace in our multiplied trials and His love has no limits and His power has no boundaries.  It was written by Annie J Flint in the middle of the 19th century and it’s called He Giveth More Grace

Tomorrow I’m seeing another friend.  The talk will be vastly different from the talks I had today because tomorrow’s friend isn’t familiar with

Jesus.

She hasn’t experienced the strength He offers or reached out to take hold of the peace He wants her to have.  Today, I mentioned her to the friends that spoke truth to me.  I told my coffee friend that I’ve heard lots of times the saying

Our actions speak louder than our words.  I know it’s true and yet I also know that no matter how loud my actions are, if people, tomorrow’s friend, never hears the words

“Jesus loves you and wants to give you peace and has offered you mercy through His blood,” then how will she know about it?

Actions are good but words are Most good sometimes.  Important stuff, this.

I’m going now, to sleep and I’m resting on the truth that even if I forget,

am full of the feeling of

dark, sad, or misty grey

Jesus is still everything and I have Him.

Better and far more

He has me.

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
 If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
 even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.  Psalm 139:8-10

 

 

 

 

Broken

life,

It’s a blue sky, late June afternoon and I’m living quiet and pondering.  Rarely one to be timid, I have been thinking and wondering.

Should I?  Shouldn’t I?  The answer is

with fear and trembling, Yes.  I’m going to write what I’ve been thinking and I may find myself in hot water.

I walked this morning.

A long way.  Well, a long way for me.  Seven or eight KM and my feet are sore.  More than my feet, my brain is sore and more than that

my heart.  My heart is So Sore.  Today more than yesterday or the day before, there is trouble in my deepest soul.

Oh My Fellow Humans.  Where are we and why did we choose this place?  Why would we want to be

Here?  Not Here, but HERE in this wicked place of our own creating.

On the journey I took earlier I saw so much and heard words and I guarded myself and I’m sure I was close to yelling, right there on the street.

We live in a beautiful city.  I love this city and what a privilege to walk almost any street I want to walk on and

sure, anything can happen and who knows when something bad will happen?  But I’m not afraid.  I’m not even nervous.  It could be that I’m naive but I’ve told you before

I know God numbers my days and I am alive now and I have no idea what’s coming.

Out there, the lights turned red and I stopped.  They turned green and when the little white walking man lit up I crossed and I was confident I would make it safely to the other side.  Once, a few years ago, my husband had business in a far off place.  I went along and one of the first things he told me was to keep both feet planted on the sidewalk until my eyes told me it was safe to cross the street.  A couple of times I almost stepped out and he grabbed me and it’s a good thing because the car about to turn, at high speed, was not about to stop.  Within a few minutes of walking in that city, I had a healthy fear of the possibilities.

Today

I had no fear of my physical safety but there began to well up in me a fear of

Sin.  Darkness.

I’m thinking, now that I’ve had time to sit a few minutes. that perhaps this is what Jesus meant in

John 16:33  I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

I keep going back to

Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

Right here, right now I’m jumping in!

Nine people died the other day.  They were gunned down by a young man, because he decided to kill people.  I watched a short video of people, both black and white, standing with arms around each other, weeping, praying, talking.  I don’t even know which words I’m allowed to use to speak about people of different colours.  Believe me, I mean no unkindness, belittling or prejudice.

In Sunday School we used to sing a song

Jesus loves the little children.  All the children of the world.  Red and yellow black and white all are precious in His sight.  Jesus loves the little children of the World.

I think we aren’t allowed to sing that song anymore.  I think it is is racially unfit, unacceptable to sing.

I don’t know the motivation of the person who wrote the song but I can assure you that when we sang it, those years ago, it was a reminder that Jesus loves and so,

we are to love

Everybody.

Jesus wants everybody He created to know who He is and love Him first and then love each other.  He wants everybody He created to know that He is the only way to a life with

Hope.

He is the one who provides a future for us and that future is not here.  It’s with Him.

Those people who were gunned down that terrible day, were praying.  They were gathered to pray.  They were spending time talking to God and He was there with them.  He knows that there is evil all around and sadly

we know it too.  it’s a horrible medicine to swallow, to acknowledge and we are mired in it.  It’s getting worse.

It’s going to get worse.  And More Worse and then More.

We, the ones who know that He is the only purpose worth living for because He is the only Hope we have, are to live in peace.  We are to love and encourage

Everyone.

That troubled young man with the gun, killed because,

well I don’t know why except that for some reason he was full of hate.  The reason is beside the point.  He killed people because…

That crime was not worse than that of a young man going into a school and killing 26

Babies.

It is not worse than that of two young men who planted bombs at the finish line of a marathon, hoping to kill many many many.

It is not worse than a young mother drowning her three children in a bathtub.

It’s not worse than the hundreds and thousands of Christ followers that are being killed and have been killed by hateful, wicked people.

Yes, there is racial injustice in this World.  There is wickedness towards

People

of every colour and religious affiliation.

It. Is. All. Wrong.

It’s going to get worse, whether or not we tell people they can’t have guns.

All over the media today is a video of a talk show host.

A smirking, irreverent, disrespectful, rude, anti God

T.V. personality who gets paid to

make fun of anything and everything.

Not today though.  Today he “has nothin”.

He has only a few words to say about how awful the issue of hate crimes is.

As I listened to him I wanted to ask, “Isn’t any and every sort of murder hateful?”

People all over the place are hailing him as some sort of a king of justice and they are commending him for his willingness to set aside his crudeness and speak words of reproach to his countrymen for a crime committed by a wicked boy.  I know I am not to judge and I know that my words may be offensive but I am

disgusted and ANGRY.  It may be righteous anger.  I don’t know.  But we need to stop putting people on pedestals.  Stop giving credibility to sinful created beings instead of turning to the one who

did the creating.  It is He who has been offended.  He will not be mocked friends.  His justice will be swift and strong, at such a time as He decides.

We are all wicked.  We are all, each one, sin filled.  This crime is terrible.  This boy man needs to face the consequences.

But the real remedy for all that is going on out there,  is for each and all of us

to

fall on our knees before our Holy God, with broken and contrite hearts

and BEG for forgiveness.  

We have turned, EVERY, ONE, to his own way.

We need to stop looking at colour and look at Sin for what it is.  Causing pain to the created and offending our loving, gracious, righteous,

Holy God.

Psalm 51:17  My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

And even now, just hours later, the families of the slain are offering

forgiveness, in Jesus name.

That same Jesus weeps over the sin and loves the sinner and to those left behind to mourn He has already told us

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”  Rev. 21:4

Today, This Moment

life, , , ,

 

“But are you sure?”  I asked.

Her smile was kind, encouraging.  “Yes, I’m sure.  I will be fine.”

I hugged her and said “but I don’t want to leave you.  Won’t you be lonely?”

She continued to smile and said “I won’t be lonely.  you go and have fun.”

I somehow got to the car safely, even as I walked forward while looking backward to watch her face for a sign that I was needed.

I was nine and it was 1968.  I remember it vividly and she likely doesn’t remember it at all. Every once in a while my dad would take me on a date to the arena in the next town.  It was a tin building suitable for hanging slabs of beef and not for it’s actual use of seating several hundred fans of the local hockey team.  It was 9 miles away and I loved to go despite the -30 temps and the inevitable, painfully cold feet I would endure in the unheated arena.  Such fun, running around while the game was being played, eating the hamburger and cheering on the “good guys.”  The only shadow over the evening was the concern I felt at leaving Nano home alone.  The thought of her sitting in that living room without us, broke my heart.  Even then I hated leaving her.

There were sleepover invitations and I liked the thought of playing and then sleeping at a friend’s house.  But mostly, not always but mostly, I either needed to go home, or I cried myself to sleep at the thought of my parents at home, sitting together, missing me and me missing them.  Childish, unwarranted fears and even then I hated leaving them.

It was that tug of war,  home and family on one end, friends and adventure on the other.

Leaving has always been my heartbreak and wouldn’t you know it, leaving is what I’ve done much of, it seems.

We have never lived near Blood.  Those years, the ones way back, it was just us.

Five.

I sometimes talk to people who say they aren’t speaking to their relatives.

Blood.

Somebody did something.  Somebody said something.  Somebody missed something,

didn’t send a card

sent the wrong card

didn’t come for dinner

stayed too long after dinner

and I know I’m not to judge.  Bad things happen, sin lives here and people do what they shouldn’t.

Ponder what God says.  It’s what we were created to do.

Live by them.  God’s words.

Don’t tear down bridges and build up walls.

There’s been fighting forever, really.  It’s a shame.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.  (Romans 12:18)

It’s been about 38 years since we five lived under the same roof.  Since then we have lived far,  apart and

Even so,

Sometimes my brother annoys me, my sister irritates me, my mother nags me and even from here, across the country, one or the other does something, says something that initiates eye rolling.

Years come and go

I’ve just left my mother, in a little room in a lovely place, in an Alberta city.  She has precious ones  all around

I’m not one of them.  Well, I’m not close but a piece of my heart sits next to her, wherever that is.  Some of you have mothers somewhere other than at arms length and some are gone.

“at least you still have your mother”  you say.  “At least your mother still knows you” and it’s true.

I’m not there and it feels like my heart is being wrung when I say good bye and I remember those nights way back, almost as if God was getting me ready for the Real ‘see you laters’.   Now that she’s in her 94th year and

who knows, really…

Well, who knows, really…about anything?  Not one of us knows what’s next,  or how long until Next arrives.

What a gift God has given us, in words.  They can be used for good, or not.  I read something today and the words were put together by C.S. Lewis.  They went like this.

“Never, in peace or war, commit your virtue or your happiness to the future. Happy work is best done by the man who takes his long-term plans somewhat lightly and works from moment to moment ‘as to the Lord.’ It is only our daily bread that we are encouraged to ask for. The present is the only time in which any duty can be done or any grace received.” —from The Weight of Glory  

I Like it.

Today,

is what matters.  If I’m worried about what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow, before I know it I’ll be old and all of my todays will be gone.

Through the years I have heard Nano say on numerous occasions that it would be so terrible to have a fighting family.  How sad she would be if her loved ones did not get along.  If they should choose to hold grudges.  That, as far as her thinking goes, would be a terrible sort of pain and so useless.  How heartbreaking it would be to dishonour our parents and to disregard what we’ve been taught.  Family and loved ones and friends should be kind to one another.  Sounds familiar!

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.. Eph. 4:32 

My son reminded me a while back of how small the forgiveness is that we might offer compared to the forgiveness that has been offered to us

by God

and although I feel like making excuses it warms my heart as it would my parents hearts, that understanding has been passed along to another generation.   He knows how words can hurt.  I’ve put some together over the years, that have cut him.  My purpose was for good, the outcome was not.  This boy knows the value of forgiveness.  He’s experienced the rewards, the blessing of being forgiven and offering forgiveness.

As Papa often reminded us,

“keep short accounts.”

If there was a problem we fixed it.  If there was sin that needed correcting, it was corrected. If there was hurt borne,  we loved each other and in loving one another we  forgave, even if we didn’t feel like it.  Forgiving was an action of the mind as much as it was of the heart and before I knew it, the forgiveness was heartfelt.

We did it.  We learned to turn the other cheek because it was right and it Is right.  Retaliation made it all so much worse.   We learned to recognize the pain in it.  Not just  with family, but people, souls, walking around on the sidewalks and in the hallways where we walked.

It’s called empathy and it’s good.

Sure I have scars.  Sure my heart weeps when I think of painful and even unfair.  I’ll tell you though,

pain can bring a lot of good.  We like to protect our children from pain.  We shouldn’t. Sadly, pain builds character.  It wasn’t supposed to be that way but it is, in a broken world.

The point.  What’s past is just that and what’s ahead is not known and won’t be known until we get there.  No eye can see around the bend and down the path.

Along with the good ingrained in me there is, not so good.  Worry is Not.

Reading about lives lived by people who have my same inhibitions is like fresh water, a gentle breeze.  Sharing ourselves is good.  I’ll share with you and you share with me and we will encourage and even, when necessary, admonish.    We won’t be angry or crushed because we know it’s good to brush up against thorns every now and again.  Cuts and bruises send us to the one who is best at soothing, healing.

Let’s talk about hard and pain and sweet and laughter and lets be joy filled.

Joy is like a muscle.  The more I exercise it the stronger it gets.

Father’s day is just around the corner.  Mine, my father that is, went Home just over 27 years ago.  He’s there fully and wholly.  When I think of him I think of her.  Nano.  He’s gone and she isn’t and she knows it, every. single. day.  They were together like doesn’t often happen in a lifetime.  Devoted, loving, sharing, modeling, teaching and not always happy but always looking at the only one who gives true joy and even happiness amidst the tribulation of every day.

God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. C.S. Lewis

 

 

“Dear old World’, she murmured, ‘you are very lovely and I am glad to be alive in you” Anne of Green Gables

life, , ,

Here I am again.

It’s a beautiful day and while Nano sleeps I’m sitting,

writing.

She, encompassed by pain, is happy to see me.  Sickness has been her very constant companion in recent weeks and it is not exaggerating or premature to say she is old.  Her body is “wearing out” as one doctor said.  She is worn out.  She sleeps long and often. Her body functions are sluggish at best and life is hard.   Her walker stands close and there is no pride in her when she pushes it down the hall.  She walks to the breakfast room for her piece of whole wheat toast and raspberry jam and barely makes it back before crumpling onto her bed for rest.

Her meals are quite nice looking and I wonder if the cooks here  know how grateful we are for a sprig of parsley.   That simple stem of green makes a plate full of food more appetizing to a 93 year old preacher’s wife with no appetite.

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There is a small dining room  where residents may take their guests.   You get special attention there and it’s next to the big dining room.  Today, Nano and I ate two meals together in that little dining room.  Sometimes people walk through the small dining room on their way ‘home’.  Nano and I were chatting about how delicious our meal had been when a little lady passed by.  She was stooped and fragile looking and she smiled.  We smiled back and said “Hello”.  She replied and a conversation began.  English was not her first language and she knew very few words until she arrived here, from South Africa four years ago and we listened closely.    Her children live here as do her grandchildren and the time was right.  She likes it here and anyway, she knows she can never go back.  Her furniture is gone and all of her things and here she is and I saw tears in her eyes and then there were tears in mine.  Her name is Anna and she is dear.

Then

Nano said

“well, when we have nothing else it’s wonderful to know that we have JESUS.  He loves us very much.

Anna replied, “oh yes, what would we do without Jesus.  I sometimes wonder what I would do without Him”.

And then I was reaching for my kleenex and I thought about how true it is.  Life is hard, especially for these dear ones who are way way past their prime and they are sick and tired and want to be well and know they won’t be, ever again and still, they are glad to be alive in this “Dear Old World”.

It has been suggested that the kitchen staff might cut Nano’s meat before presenting it at her table so she can eat it without struggle.  Her reply, as she krinkles her nose

Oh I don’t know if I want that.  My plate will look messy

And she eats such a few bites of, fish or beef or chicken, that what does it really matter if her plate is messy.   I tell you it surely does matter.  As does the look of her beautiful, never coloured other than what God has given her naturally, silver hair.  It should have received a perm a month ago but a three week stay at the hospital around the corner quashed that plan and today is good because tomorrow is perm day.  It might not ‘take’ well but it will look better.

Her gnarled hands lie in her lap and there is not a moment free from pain and the knitting needles , well used, are packed away.

Never a gal to whine or complain, she was the mother who said when things were going awry, life was throwing a curve, the twisting path became too much,

“oh, you’ll be fine.  It could be worse” and it made me frown and complain (still does) when her support came in the form of correction, admonition, sometimes sounding kind and other times sounding reproachful.

and

I am who I am because of who she is.  I learned to be strong as I watched her and although the strength she exuded was quiet and yes, even submissive, oh it was there.   Her strength was in serving, family and strangers.  She was strong when she modeled mercy, she was strong when she traveled to the other side of the country to visit her ailing parents, with a few dollars in her wallet and not many more left in the bank and she did it because it was good and right and honouring.   I was small and I watched and learned.

We, my sister, my brother and me and let’s not forget the ones who love us, our spouses who have traveled hard with their own parents and are standing close and supporting and we are all working together.

model mercy even though it might not be our gift 

and we love and we care and of course we are obligated and we do it because it is good and right and honouring and not always easy.  We give up other fun and we do it because

God loved us first and this mother loved us next and we love her back and our purpose is to listen and honour.  We watched our parents do it and even though our parents frustrated us and we live life differently than they did and would,

We learned.  They taught us the things that God says are important and one of those things is to honour our parents.

I am here now, for one week and one of these days, “see you later” will turn into “Good Bye for now” and until then we keep encouraging and helping and watching and loving and we leave the rest and the time in the hands of

He who made time and numbered our days

here.  He is to be trusted because His Love is

Greater Than

 

 

I’m Glad You Asked (I’ve been longing to tell you)

life, ,

I’ve been itching to do some writing but in recent days there has been no time for such frivolity.

I mean, I’ve had stuff to take care of, like

being celebrated at a surprise birthday tea, by my daughter and daughter in law and that girls mother and more,

sewing a few dozen aprons, cooking up some meals for my children, organizing a couple of showers (one for a bride to be and one for a mother to be), finally biting the proverbial bullet and going for an official eye exam and then dealing with the subsequent fallout of Real Glasses, (not sure which is worse, not seeing or trying to adjust to a face full of plastic and glass), listening to outpourings of burdens by new friends and attempting to speak wisdom, taking care of the usual business of laundry and fridge cleaning and pansy planting and garbage and recycling and squeezing in a few minutes to far too quickly do my Bible Study homework and organizing a scone and apron open house and hosting a friend from years gone by and

Not going for the walks I need to go for and

Not sitting quietly to listen to the voice of the One who knows me best and

Not spending real time with that same One, to petition on behalf of the ones I love and

Not opening the cover of even one of the books on the ever growing stack waiting for me to begin reading.

I’m considering  Phillippians  4:8 and it goes like this

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.

I’m also thinking about Solomon and he was very wise.  In Ecclesiastes he says that we should be joyful and do good and that we should eat and drink and take pleasure in our work.  I’m all for that!

I like Joy and Pleasure and I usually like doing good although sometimes I really don’t feel like it.

I’ve been working at these things I’ve been doing because my heart has been filled with a desire to do them.  You see, God gives me the desire to love and share and listen and laugh and He wants to fulfill those desires.  However, He is all about moderation in those passions and desires so that I will remember and not forget that none of them should keep me from quiet waiting, listening to,  watching hard and bowing humbly before

Him.

 


So I’m sitting at Starbucks.  It’s bordered by town and mountains and budding bushes and fertile earth and every time the door opens to allow entrance to a coffee buying customer, in with that customer comes the smell of “fertilizer”.  It’s the kind you spread on the garden or field and you can smell it a long way off.  The smell is not the most pleasant fragrance but it makes me smile.  That’s the country girl in me.  My life has been like that.  Dichotomous!  city and country, happy and sad, strong and weak, loud and quiet, kind and not, organized and a great big mess, truth teller and people pleaser

and maybe we’re all a bit like that.

Today I’m in the East part of West.  I’ve been thinking about gifts and sharing and receiving and my favourite type of all three is

Time.

I’m sharing mine and they, the people I came to see, are sharing theirs.

It’s the best.  It’s investment.  We’ve been talking about the good times and mixed in we’ve been talking about the not so good.

Why should I want That (whatever it might be, but sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s not) when I have This (which is good some days and others, not really).  They cancel each other out, end up at the same place,

at the crossroads of a choice between

Joy or Not.

Well, here I am, surrounded by beauty and old friends and memories and I am finding joy in the work that’s mine.  It’s different from yours and you might want my job and sometimes I might want yours but I’ve told you before

Bloom.

Now that I’m officially middle aged (I get the seniors discount at Shoppers)  I tend to look back a bit more than I did a few years ago.

There are those who have asked

Why?

when they hear about my apron making.  After all, who wears aprons anymore?  Well as it turns out, there are few more today than there were last week at this time.  I made a room full of aprons and sold quite a few just the other day.  There might be a variety of reasons why those ladies purchased those aprons but I can tell you

we had a great time talking aprons while we ate scones.  It was a warm day and the doors were open wide.  Someone commented that it was appropriate to have the doors open since it was an open house.  I agreed!

So, here it is.  I like to find many and varied ways to bring people together.  We live in a place and time where text messaging and email and instagram posts are far and away the most common forms of communicating.  Oh, I’m one of the worst.  This “device” is never far from my fingertips and partly because I want to share and be shared with.

To have a group, large or small, friends or strangers, in the same room, meeting and sharing and listening and laughing and eating, is a passion of mine.

Come on over, the more the merrier.  Nothing better.  It might be fancy and it might be thrown together but we’ll be real together and it’s gonna be a good time.

When I get to Heaven I hope God assigns me the job of Getting Folks Together.  No nonsense and no putting on of Airs!

Over the past months a few people (quite a few) have sent me the same poem about aprons.  They found it in their internet travels and thought I would appreciate it.  I did and do.

Quite a few years ago my mom sent me a poem that I have kept safe and sound (in a place I knew not, so when I tried to locate it’s whereabouts, it was not to be found).  She sent it at a time when she was, herself, making aprons.  She wore an apron, always and it became a symbol of comfort and even love, for me.

I found the poem a few days ago and here it is

Mother’s Apron

I used to say to Mother when friends were dropping by for tea, “Oh Mother, take your apron off and don’t embarrass me.”  But Mother simply smiled and said, “I will when I get through, But I have need of it just now, there’s work for me to do.”

I argued and apologized and often I opined That wearing aprons gave a hint that one was not refined; But Mother took the restless babe upon her aproned knee, Quite undisturbed by what I said, she rocked on cheerfully.  

And when the older boys came in, a giggling happy lot, My Mother with the babe in arms would stir the old iron pot, And from her kitchen she would bring a dinner, well prepared By loving hands for healthy youths who seldom thought or cared.

And thus to labour and to serve my mother always wore A large, white, crisp apron in the happy days of yore; And when the evening meal was done, I’d say, “Oh Mother, do Take off your apron.”  “She’d reply, “I will when I get through.”

Twas thus the happy years sped on, her children grew and wed, And Mother nursed her grandchildren in her own children’s stead; She always found the time to go to soothe a neighbour’s cough, But never could she find the time to take her apron off.

The corner of her apron served to dry our childish tears; It told each hungry stranger who came shivering to our door, “My apron’s on, I’m here to serve until life’s day is o’er.

So faithfully she worked away, she had so much to do, And always of her aprons said, “I will when I get through.”

And then one night with weary feet she climbed the old home stair, And with a conquering sigh, she sat on her bedroom chair.

And folding up her apron white as she was wont to do, She handed it to me and said, “Well, daughter, I am through.”  And peacefully she entered into rest–so nobly earned.

And as the lonely years passed by, this lesson I have learned:

My mother’s apron symbol was of service for her King.  Now in my treasure chest it lies, a sacred, precious thing.   –Jane Scott

So someone asked a few weeks ago

If the aprons keep their crispness.  No they don’t.

If they fade.  Yes they do.  It’s okay though!  They serve a purpose.  They help keep clothes clean but more important still

They are lovely gifts of hospitality.  They are a token of care and they are good.

One of the first. I've worn it a ton. It's old. It's tattered. It's a favourite.
One of the first. I’ve worn it a ton. It’s old. It’s tattered. It’s a favourite.

Nano doesn’t wear an apron any more.  She doesn’t need it.  She’s hung it up and moved past.  I wish it wasn’t so.  She wishes it wasn’t so because her greatest joy was serving, in one of those aprons of hers.  I loved watching her do what she did, always in an apron.  She isn’t well and we don’t know how much longer she will

Bloom.

She is wilting and that is an understatement but we have the memories of her and her many and varied aprons and we like the memories.  What pleasure it gives her to look at the fabrics I purchase and comment on the beauty of the creations I attempt.

Work is good.  Even mine that doesn’t bring in but a few dollars here and there.   Nano’s work took on a lot of forms and she taught me that the best work is that of

doing what God initiates in your heart.

A desire.  What could ever be better than a passion put there by the one who made

Me

You.

He did, you know,

give us desires designed to please Him and

bring us joy.

The desires He gives are good but not best.  He is Best and I know it but often choose

other than.  I’m tired and the leftover time and energy is available for Him.

He deserves More.  By Far.

Work is good and I’m thankful for mine.  I want to use my work to glorify Him.

So when I wake up in the morning and say

Okay God, I have no idea what today holds but I’m deciding to do whatever it is as it comes and I’ll remember that I am yours and you put the desires in my heart.

While I’m Doing

I will choose to remember that desires are God given but not to be bigger than my

desire for You.

Psalm 20:4 May he grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans!“

Matthew 22:37 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

 

 

Revelations of Life Changing Proportions

life, ,

 

I’m writing outside today.  Only a sweater and the sun is warm and I like it a lot.

I am finally willing to admit

I’m not a natural early riser.  Not a night hawk either.  Where does that leave me?

Sandwiched between early and late I am an in between.

Kind of describes my impression of myself when I was a little one.  Not great at anything and not terrible at too much, except for drawing and sports and cutting with scissors (the whole left handed thing) and…

When my little ones were coming up, I woke without an alarm, for years.  The brain is a remarkable thing. Reminding us and propelling us forward.

I know people, they are my friends, who rise with the first song bird.  I admire their ability, discipline.

Get up,

Get moving,

It’s good for you.

When I lived alone, now that’s a long time ago, I began a journey of discipline and decided, in response to prompting from

the one who made me

that when my eyes opened each morning, whatever time that might be

my first impulse, task, reflex, would be to commit the upcoming hours to

Him.  I would set my mind on things above and let those thoughts be the precursor to whatever the day would hold.  Physically and purposely holding my hands out and opening my fingers.  Oh He doesn’t need me to that.  It is an act of my will for my sake and for His Glory.  A human action to remind of a Heavenly response from a heart of Love.

I did it for years and then fell off for a long while.  Those days when I needed to do it most, I found myself doing the alternative instead.

Wondering, worrying, praying the prayer of uncertainty.

Oh, we’re uncertain alright.  We don’t know His plan and yet

I forgot that I am allowed, encouraged and even commanded to

Approach His Throne with confidence

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:18

How in the World could I forget a command so amazing?

Well this very morning I woke up, not early but not terribly late.  As my eyes were focusing, an ability that becomes increasingly difficult,  I prayed these words.

Dear Father God

Please

enable 

me to be who you want me to be and do what you want me to do, today.  

Help

me to worship you and to remember above all that you are Holy.  I want my life to be about your Holiness.

Right there, Right then, head still on the pillow,  I realized

I’ve been praying the wrong words.

Just as He showed me a while back (because Nano reminded me)  I don’t need to pray that He will be with me because I am His and He is with me,

I don’t need to pray for Him to help me to recognize His holiness.  He has already done that.

He is Holy and I know it full well.  I don’t require help with that.

I need to DO it,

See Him for who He is

and just as I should not ask for His help to be

Joy filled  because He has already given me joy (and I just need to BE it)

Seeing His Holiness is a choice I need to make.

Man Alive and goodness gracious me ( although papa used to remind me that I shouldn’t say goodness me because there is nothing good about we sinners and only God is truly good)

Combine this revelation with the one God’s Spirit reminded me of just the other day and

I feel like a free woman.

That other one was this.

Let it all go!

No really, open your hands and hold them up to me and just let me have them, 

all.

The people, the worries, the concerns, the troubles, the day to day..

My hands are big and my heart is bigger and I love you.  I have stuff for you to do.  Oh I don’t need you to do it.  I want you to do it because it will give you even more reason to be joy filled.

 If you worry about

these things and people, you will be so filled with all of it that you won’t have the energy to be who I made you to be.  So give it all to me.  These who you love are safe with me.  Your job is to daily, every morning, when my mercies are new, first thing, open your hands and remind me, the one who never forgets, that I have promised to take care of them and those,

people and things.  

All that concerns you, concerns me.  I made you and I know that your heart is burdened.  But come to me and give that heaviness to me and go out,

with Joy.  

Be filled with Joy and rest in my ability and capability to be

Me

I’ll tell  you that these two things, reminders,

were gifts to me, a broken, disciplined, burdened,

God Lover.

I can tell you and am very willing to be reminded

often

that He doesn’t need me, He chooses to bless me with jobs to do

for His glory and if I let Him carry the load that most often sits on my heart, I will carry on and be amazed and blessed.

I will be able to reflect His love, His mercy, His compassion.

There’s another verse I know but not really.

Proverbs 1:33 says

but whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread or disaster

Lest we be confused, this verse does not mean disaster will not touch us or break our hearts or make lovely into ugly.  We know that’s true.

It doesn’t mean there won’t be crooked and perpendicular pathways.  What it means is that in the the disaster we will dwell secure.  I will listen and He will talk.  What could be perceived easily, as disaster, won’t be

That.

God

is always close.  And even the crooked and disastrous things, He can make into something good.  We call that

Redemption.

Profound, is the truth that even though everybody looking at the disaster will think it is, because I am dwelling secure in Him, to me it isn’t.

I will dwell secure.

God will use it to make me more like Jesus, which is His purpose.

Me, more like Jesus, for God’s Glory.

Well Hallelujah and

Thank You Jesus!

Story Time!

A lot of years ago a little girl, a preacher’s girl, she was three years old, sat on her mama’s knee in the basement of the little church where her papa was preacher.  Evening service was done.  Worship time was starting.  Fellowship for those who knew the one who

made them

and fellowship for those who maybe did not know that creator.  All were welcome.  The little girl knew about God, in a way that was quite unusual for someone her age.  God had filled up the hearts of her mama and papa so full of

Him

that He flowed out all over the people they knew and even some they didn’t.  The three children who were their little ones, had no doubt about who they needed, to be their master and no doubt about that master’s love for them.

The little group of people on the old wooden chairs began to sing

“For God so loved the World that He gave His Only Son, who died on Calvary from sin to set me free.  Some day He’s coming back, what Glory That Will Be, How wonderful His Love For ME.”

It was then, at that very moment, that Jesus touched her heart and she knew

God loved HER.  She wanted to be part of HIS family.  The tears ran down that little ones face and she cried and nobody knew why.  She couldn’t even say the words but she saw God’s tenderness and

on that night, as the little girl sat on her mama’s knee, God came close.  It was a remarkable moment in a life that unfolded with twists and turns and happy and sad and rebellion and unkindness and worship and peace and pain and worry and disobedience and mistakes and regret and laughter and

all the while a thankfulness that

That one Who Made Her, loved her and welcomed her then, now, always.

He

is

For

Everyone.

There is a young man who preaches at our church.  He is senior pastor but there is nothing senior about him.  He has much to learn and is doing that as God does the teaching.  God’s specialty is using us for good while we are learning.  Good thing, since we keep learning and never get to the knowing everything stage, ever.  God speaks wise words through this young man and a few weeks ago he said something close to this

There is nobody that God created that He doesn’t love.  Well that means there is not a single person on the planet who God doesn’t love since He made us all.

John 12:32

And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.”

Great news

For us ALL.

Speechless!