All posts by pamelastaley@hotmail.com

That Thanksgiving

life

If I was to ask you what comes to mind when I say, That Christmas, you might tell me The Christmas. The First Christmas. Jesus, the Angels, The Greatest Gift. If I was to ask what comes to mind when I say, That Easter, you would perhaps tell me, The First Easter. Jesus, the cross, death, life, Everlasting Life. Some of you might even say, The Easter Bunny and we will need to talk about that another time.

If I ask you what comes to mind when I say, That Thanksgiving, you might need to think just a bit longer. You might then say, the Pilgrims, bounty, harvest, food. These would of course be correct, but would not be the answer I’m thinking of, right now, on October 11th, 2023. You see, to me, That Thanksgiving was The Thanksgiving when I, in a second, in the last flutter of a weak breath, became motherless. I know, lots of us remember such a day. That memorable, difficult and maybe even heart shattering day. The one when our mother took her last breath. So many of you, friends of mine, were here with me, well, there with me, those last weeks. Thanks for that. You see, my mother, Nano 2, went to her real home, her everlasting home, on Sunday, October 11th, 2015. It was Thanksgiving Sunday. The hospice she was spending her last days in, was more than good. Better than we could have dreamed or planned for. They had invited us to spend Thanksgiving dinner around their table, while our mum slept upstairs. We did not get to eat that meal, there, because she left us the night before. We kind of wished she could have waited just a few hours longer, because that meal was going to be good. It’s okay. We found something to eat at my sister’s house. I think. It’s all a bit blurry. That was eight years ago and time flies, for sure.

Eight years, two little boys, one extra daughter, bring our family number to nine and our dear matriarch, Nano, mum, did not meet any of them. Just imagine what she would say about our littlest ones and to our Tatiana. It’s best she is where God wants her to be. Obviously!

She, Nano 2, went Home just days before her 94th Birthday and I have told you several times between then and now, that we sent her off with love and admiration and more than a few hip hip hoorays. It was time for her to leave us. We knew that and we would never wish her back. We miss her. Especially when certain days roll around. For each of us, her three children, the days that are memorable are different. For me, the days I miss her most are Fall days. She often came to visit us here in Ontario in the Fall. When I smell Autumn and apples ready to be picked and prepare my turkey stuffing and make my Nano relish and take a walk in the cool of falling leaves, I remember her. This year has been no different. I don’t long for her. I don’t weep at the thought of her being gone. I think of her. I remember who she was and the things she would say. Her last visit to us, here in Toronto, was October 2013. My sister was going to be away from her home, which was down the street from our mama’s home and the timing was good for her to visit. It was also perfect, since she would be here for her 92nd Birthday. My sister put her on the plane in Alberta and I got her off the plane here, in Toronto and then,

We had a party. We had banners and sashes and loot bags and food and you, many of you, came to that party and hugged our girl and wished her Happy Birthday and it was so special and it was her last visit here and when I think of Fall and Nano, I think of my friends who celebrated with us. Two years after that beautiful party, Mum died. Well, her body died, but the real Nano, the real mum, is alive and well, eating toast and drinking tea with dad, in God’s Heaven. My childhood was filled with all kinds of happy and sad, but one of the warm and comforting memories, is of my parents having toast and tea before bed, every night of my life until I left home and then every night after that until dad went to Glory.

Thank you, Friends. Fall is happy and just a little bitter sweet, because it is such a beautiful time and it reminds me of my dear mum and her Birthday and so many precious memories. Autumn was really a perfect time for God to take her away. Who am I to argue with His timing anyway? He knows the plans He has for us.

Today I thought of her because I decided to throw caution to the wind and make something without a recipe. I do it all the time, but Nano, never. I have many of her dog-eared cards in my box. I used to use them often. These days though, I just jump in. I see what I have in the fridge and go from there.

I had some leftovers from my Pumpkin pie making the other day and didn’t want them to go to waste. So I hauled them all out of the fridge and decided to make a pumpkin sheet cake.

I did get my phone out and look for pumpkin cakes. I found a couple and adapted them both to meet my own needs. A bit more of one thing and an introduction of another. I was pleasantly surprised, I will admit, at the outcome. I shared the finished product with a few people, including my elderly neighbour.

It really was so easy and it bakes quickly, because it is done on a sheet pan (as the name says) and yes, there is a piece missing in the photo below. Just a tiny piece, for quality control. To be honest, by the time I was ready for my round of deliveries, there were a few of those tiny pieces missing. It was tasty.

To Live

life

Hello! It’s me! I do try not to be a problem, but sometimes it’s me. (If you know who Taylor Swift is, you might find that funny. But maybe not)

Here I am and it’s been a very long time since I chatted at you. I’ve missed you all, but life has been big over here. Huge! It was almost a year ago that I told you my father in law had gone to be with Jesus. Time flies. Since then, Goodness me. My dear dad used to tell me I shouldn’t say “goodness me” because there really isn’t much goodness in any of us. He wasn’t wrong, but in this World where exclamations have turned into haircurlingeyewateringcringeworthy things that make one shudder, I’m choosing Goodness Me. Our almost five year old was exclaiming about something the other day, which he does tend to do. (Not sure where in the world he gets that from. Eye roll) and I suggested that perhaps a good option for a word might be just plain GOODNESS!

Now that the preamble is done, I will try to catch you up and maybe afterwards, just perhaps, you might say to yourself, “self, I can do This. This happens to be the worst. Well, it certainly is hard. But I will manage it.” Maybe you will read a bit further while I tell you how I manage and how my dear ones manage the things.

family

First of all, we are adding to our family. Well not really We. Stephen Mark Staley has found himself a girl he wants to spend his life with. She has already joined our family, but the real event will take place this fall. September. We have welcomed Tatiana and she will be part of us. As we do life with her, my prayer is that she will see Jesus. That the person He is, will be evident in us.

I need to catch you up on a couple of items of importance and maybe I should, in an effort to be precise, put it all in bullet form. That isn’t my style. I like to explain and here’s a tidbit. I am triggered (and aren’t I a modern woman, using such woke language) when in the middle of explaining something that you should know, but more importantly, I Need to tell, you, the recipient of my explanation has the gall, the nerve, the audacity to say “you don’t need to explain”. SAY WHAT? You my friend, are missing the point! This is not about You. This is about Me and I most certainly Do need to explain. Goodness ME. Sit down and listen to what I’m telling you.

So

Here’s what I have to say.

November 2020 I wrote Family Ties. I told you some things about my family of origin and specifically my brother. He is older than me and you can reread the story for a refresher. I told you then, that Rod had learned he had cancer. I was far away. Provinces away. Stupid COVID was running rampant and the maybe not so wise people managing it told me I had to stay in my house. I watched my brother fight that thing and several times, live very close to the edge of this life and eternity with Jesus. Now let me interject here, that eternity with Jesus is not something we are afraid of. It’s just that, despite the depravity and awful of this Earth, there is much that is sweet. We grumble and complain. I do. We want what we don’t have and wish for better. But there is good and happy and Love and laughter and we like it here. So Rod literally lived on the edge, for months and then, the end came. The end of treatment and feeling sick and quarantine and pain and loneliness and God told him to get up, pick up his life and carry on. He did. He is, carrying on. He’s the guy you want for a neighbour. I wish he was mine. He notices if you need help and he’s the fellow who marches to the church and tells the people that they need to do something about the property, the investment, the place where family gathers. He tells them he’s their guy, to make sure a team gets collected and to oversea the necessary yard work. Rod doesn’t sit around and grumble about stuff if he can manage to get it done. We Houses tend to be that way. We jump in. Sometimes the jumping isn’t the best. Sometimes we and others would be better served if we just sat quietly. But in most cases, we don’t really wonder about what might be better. We Just Do It. Rod is a tender heart. Much more tender than me and Much Much more tender than our little Big sister. She is Mrs. Get ‘er done her very self. Whooeee! But more about her later. Rod is alive and doing well and God, yes we always credit God with good things, has given him more days, to live. You know that God is Good, right?

My sister almost died. My sister. The stalwart. Our person. Now, because she will be the first person to read this and just so she doesn’t get all puffed up peacock style and get even bossier than is probable, she is Not perfect. Sometimes I want to speak sternly to her because I don’t one bit like her view. But still. In November, in Arizona, she was minding her own business, crossing the very busy road, at the crosswalk, at the green light, when somebody and we will never know the specifics, ran her down. God was there. We would have preferred she not be hit at all, but we try our best not to ask Why? It happened and I’ll tell you that a few inches this way or that and, well, we won’t talk about that. She was rushed to the hospital and her only recollection of the whole dreadful affair is that she woke up, in the ambulance, to the paramedics cutting off her very favourite lululemon pants. Cracked pelvis, bruised up face, wrecked shoulder and nothing else broken. God was there. He is always there and this time He saved that girls life. I told Him Thank You. I told Him He knew I just really could not manage if He took her. I told Him that as much as I know He works all of the things out, for our good and His glory and although He said if we trust in Him and don’t try to figure stuff out on our own, He will direct the whole shebang, Thank You. Thank you for being merciful that day. Thanks for being merciful every. Single. Day. If the two that are blood with me, the sister and brother, along with myself, sat down and made a list of the mercy we have seen from Him in all of these years, it would be long. Super duper long. We have each lived with sad hard things. Yes, I know. you have too. But let me tell you that my hard things were manageable only because of Jesus. He is alive and well and how do I know? Because He lives in me. Somebody said something Really nice to me a few days ago. I mean, it was the kind of nice that made me sit up straighter and think, hmm, isn’t that nice. A kind thing to say. Sometimes in a moment, I forget what to speak. I just sort of stumble over the words. I say something and after, when I’m heading one way and the person with the nice words heads the other, I wish my response had been better, different, more right. But here’s the thing and this is what I would want you, everybody to know.

I am so broken, it is shocking that I am walking around capable of accomplishing things. Any Things. Oh it’s nobody’s fault. There’s no blame. Goodness Me. But the cracks in my soul are wide and many. The good news is this. Jesus is in me and with me. Because the Spirit of God teaches me and will never ever leave me to my own sordid, self indulgent, nonsensical way, the cracks that shockingly, have not caused me to fall to pieces, are only relevant in that they remind me of how Good God Is. As my dear dad said, about using the phrase “My goodness”

The only goodness in me, is Him. He is Jesus. He is literally the Saviour. My brother’s, my sister’s and most assuredly mine.

Walking Humbly

life, , ,

Hey friends,

It’s been a while. How are you faring? Me, oh thanks for asking. You might question my answer, but truthfully, I am not just well, I am fully living. I mean, it’s been quite the couple of years eh? Yes, spoken like a true Canadian. I’ve wanted to gather you all and sit you down and have a good old chin wag since the beginning of all of this, well this scary uncertainty. Wouldn’t that be something? Maybe too much of something. Perhaps it would be something not so good. I don’t know, since I got rid of my crystal ball back when I realized it really did me no good whatsoever.

I’ve been quiet of late. Well quiet for me. Even quiet me makes a fair bit of noise and you know that I am not particularly interested in privacy. I figure, if the World is going to spin out of control and my life is going to whirl like a dervish on the edge of a precipice, then you have to come along. I suppose that’s the type A in me. The, hey people, life is nuts and here’s the variety of nuts I’m seeing. However, the quiet has been partially solemn and maybe even introspective.

So let’s jump right in and do some sharing. Or better still, I’ll share and you can listen. That’s my favourite. I’ll keep it concise and fairly gracious and we’ll see how we get on. As I mentioned above, it’s been. A. Year. It’s actually been. Two. Years. Or in my case, it’s been. Sixty two. Years. (And almost sixty three)

I have lived bigger than life for most of the years and I’m not bragging, believe you me. Living, loving, learning, doing the what if thing and sinking into the if only, attitude way too often. Through all of it, the biggest learning and the hardest lesson has been the Walking Humbly part. I don’t really care for the Do Justice part either. The problem is that what I think is Just and what you think is Just are more often than not, two very different Justice(sss). If I’ve told you once, I’m sure I’ve told you a whole lot more often, that if They would let me be in charge of the World, things would be oh so different. But They haven’t done it yet. They haven’t asked. We could talk about loving kindness too. Oh I can be kind, when I want to be. But I am learning the blessing of being interested in Loving kindness. It’s like an awakening happening. A sleeping giant if you will.

So, start with a dash of justice, a sprinkle of kindness and saturate it in humility and boys and girls, you have something that will blow your mind. It’s all a great big challenge and the falling down and clawing back up, is hard and it hurts, a lot. I am going to tell you though, that I am so thankful, Beyond grateful, Immeasurably humbled, that God is journeying, walking, evenly and steadily while I do my crazy whirling and spinning thing.

Thus ends the sermon, for now.

We are all grappling with what to think about the pandemic of 2020/21/22. We have opinions and frustrations and we know that talking politics amongst friends and acquaintances is just not the best idea. So I’m not going to do it. Except for this teeny tiny wee itty bitty thing. Let’s remember what God told Paul to tell us. As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Jesus loved and spoke truth about His Father and told us to be a sweet aroma. No matter how terrible things might be, we are to behave like Him. Oh yes and remember, They killed Him, bad. Peter said he would NEVER let happen what Jesus said would happen and he would kill them all dead and Jesus likened him to Satan. Don’t tell God what’s going to happen.

That’s it. Except for this part. I like sweet aromas. My birth flower is the sweet pea and it’s just one of my favourite scents. Oh and one more thing and that will be it, I promise. No really. I promise. Pioneer Girls honour. God does not need us to defend Him or the Plan. None of this, not one bit of it, is a surprise to Him. Nor can His plan be thwarted. (I learned that word, thwarted, in Sunday School. I’m pretty sure). He planned all of this because He knew we needed the saviour. We did, we do and we always will. I’m awfully thankful that He isn’t going to let the bad things and the evil people (of which I am chief) win. YAY! God always wins.

Moving along now, you might be interested in how my 2021 unfolded. No? Well sit down and listen because you are going to hear about it.

My father in law died. He died/passed away/left the World. You can say it however you like, but he’s gone. It happened, finally, five days ago and his son and I reminded each other that it is very sad, but not for Gerry Staley. No Sirree. I’ll let you in on a little secret. I have actually prayed in recent months that God would take him. You see, I could pray that without guilt, because I know that where God would take him is just a way better place to be than here.

He is with Jesus and there’s nothing better than walking with Jesus, actually WITH Him. I’m not joking around. It’s real. The faith he had and that we have, is real. Absent from the body is present with the Lord. Amen and Hallelujah. The fall of 2020 Gerry had two knee surgeries, one after the other, In a matter of a couple of months. He was already not well, but consistently insisted he was fine. He never recovered. While he was attempting to convince his body that he was going to get better, his wife of more than sixty years had to be enrolled in a special place that is safe for people who have dementia. That’s a whole lot of sad and broken. What unfolded and unraveled over the course of 2021, was difficult and painful. We watched our father and father in law and grandfather, become a mere shadow of himself and at the age of eighty seven and a half, God freed him and took him home. When Nano 2 went to be with Jesus, the family agreed that we would never ever wish her back. We would miss her. We loved her beyond measure. But her life had been lived and how could we want her to stay here when the alternative was to go, There? That’s how we feel about Grandpa Gerry. We mourn his loss, but would not dare to wish him back.

In the past thirteen months I have travelled to Vancouver no less than six times. I have helped to pack and sort and discard and encourage and wash and carry and cry and laugh and empty and fold and listen, more times than I would have thought possible had you told me it was going to happen. I was part of the transitions and the upheaval and the sickness. On each visit I listened to Gerry talk about how he was getting better. Then as the year wore on he would tell us that he was going to get better and then more recently, he hoped he would get better. Three weeks ago he called me. He was in the hospital and he told me how disappointed he was that he was not healing like he had hoped. It was hard.

I will tell you though, that these months have been rewarding. I have seen the results of a bit of kindness and known abundant peace in yearning after a walk that was humble. I have given physically and emotionally and have reaped the benefits of offering my life to be used for the good of others and for the Glory of God. None of this, not one moment, not one sleepless night, not one antigen test, none of it can be credited to me. This time, these months, in semi quietness, God has taken the meagre offerings I laid before Him and turned them into gifts. In all that has unfolded with Rob and my children and my grandchildren, the frustrations, the heartache and uncertainty, God has reminded me of His steadfastness. He is the faithful one and for some reason He chose me to be the vessel through which He would care for others. I am the blessed one.

Yes, this is a religious one. If religious means that I will share what God has done in me, for me, then yep. I am religious.

Oh and why in the World did I share that photo of clouds with a mountain poking through? I’ll tell you right now. Because I never stop being amazed at the World God made. Every time I fly into Vancouver, I watch to see how Mt. Baker will show up. Just before landing in Vancouver yesterday, we passed by and there she was, just as majestic as ever. God made it and He made the clouds and all of it causes me to pause. Thought I would share it with you. Lots these days to consider and pause over.

Family Ties

life, , , , ,
Fall Beauty

It’s a Monday in November and the door is open. I’m wearing short sleeves. The sun is shining and I should be outside. I will be, later. Right now though, I want to tell you a story. The modern age makes it easier, to share thoughts and yes, stories. Remember back so long ago, ten, fifteen years? We phoned each other when we had something to say. We wrote notes and letters and cards. Now though, we rarely speak verbally to each other. We write This way. I like it and still, I miss the old way.

Family.

We all have one and who the family is, affects who the individuals are.

When ‘we’ grew up, there was no family anywhere near. No cousins, No grandparents, No silly uncles or sweet aunts. It was just Us. The five. We found people and learned to look for them, who would wrap their arms around us when we needed comforting and open the door to us when the soup pot was on. We learned the value of friendship and the richness of sharing life with people who weren’t kin. Papa was from Newfoundland and just a few years ago, my brother and his wife, my sister and her husband and I, paid our East coast relatives a visit. They rolled out the red carpet for us and we met cousins we had heard of yet never met. It was a happy time and a sad time for me. Happy because I discovered that our extended family were wonderful people. Sad because I in a way, mourned what I had missed. They sang together and travelled together and encouraged each other and I was jealous that they had done it all, without Me.

As a child, I watched families around me and knew their lives were vastly different from mine. And then, I did the same thing to my parents and moved far away. Then, we did the same to the Staley children and raised them up far from family. I grew up partly in my youth, but mostly in my adulthood. Growing up is hard. It was hard for me and hard for my children, but alas, we have only two choices. To grow up Or Not. Often, hard things are worth it, the effort of doing them and I will admit to you that even though growing up as an adult is hard, it’s worth the struggle. My Way is committed to God and even though I quite often don’t understand the Why of His directing, I know that He planned the plan before time began and will work out His purpose for His Glory And for my (our) good. His plan is always the best one. We were without family, but God taught us to trust Him. We did.

So, we were alone. First, the House Five and then the Staley Five. In the 38 years that Rob and I have been married, we have always had to get on a plane in order to visit family. We’ve done it a lot and thankfully God worked it out. He provided friends for us here who have been family to us and our children know what empathy is and how others feel if they are alone. Our children have friends and they have each other and that is good. We may not always choose to lean in on God, but we sure do know we should and we need to.

The House Five had each other and That was good. We celebrated together and cried together and spoke kindly to each other and learned from each other. You hear me speak of my sister, but not often of my brother. He is a good and kind man. He has a wife and two grown children and three grandchildren and he is good to his neighbors and says hello to people on the street. He is a true volunteer and could give lessons on how to do it, but he wouldn’t of course. He just does what needs to be done and organizes people to work at church and he knows his way around a sound system and most of all he and Robin notice people. They are the ones who see new people at church and invite them out for lunch. They don’t go home and say “did you see those new people? We really should have spoken to them. We really should have introduced ourselves.” No way. They DO it. He is just shy of six years older than I am and he was a teacher before he retired. His name is Rod and since just before Nano went to be with Jesus, He and Robin and Jan and Michael have lived in Calgary and now they are together and I am not, there. I wish I was nearer. Maybe even a short car ride away would be nice. But I am not.

Life has not been easy for Rod. I know, I know! Life is not easy for anybody. For some people it’s harder. When he was very young, five or six, he contracted polio. It was in the fifties and polio was all around. The doctor told mom and dad that he might die, but he would surely never recover. Our prayer warrior father had a prayer meeting beside my brother’s hospital bed and you may not believe in miracles, but the next day, the doctor came to talk to mom and dad and told them he could not explain it, but there was no sign of polio in Rod’s body. As usual, dear dad used that opportunity to explain God’s power and kindness. He told that doctor how it is that regardless of what people may consider possible, God is the God of the impossible. Rod was the guy who broke legs and arms when he was young. He worked hard in school and was the shy one of the clan. He didn’t need a lot of friends and liked to stick close to home. He played hockey and gym sports and when he was a teacher, he tried his best. Rod suffered from migraine headaches as an adult. The debilitating kind. Not long after he retired, Rod suffered a stroke. That’s a story for another time, but I will tell you that it happened when he went to the bank with Robin. Jan, Nano and I were waiting for them in the car. It was a sad thing and a hard thing but God brought him through and he has lived full and well and plays a mean game of tennis and rides his bike and Lives. A few months ago Rod learned that he had cancer. He has gone through the treatments and today, Today was surgery day. I am far away and waiting to hear. It is a big surgery and it won’t be easy after. My brother is a walking miracle already and God has decided that this man should be a witness to God’s power and faithfulness. God has decided that Rod and Robin would be the ones who would receive an extra measure of grace, because He was going to ask much of them. I’m here and they are so far away and not just that. COVID! If not for COVID I would be there right now. This brother is alone and he hasn’t been alone many hours since the day he and Robin were married. They are together in every way, except for today. Our mother is gone but she taught us to care and to stand by and to help and to sacrifice our time and energy for the sake of someone else. She showed us how to live well when your heart is broken and your body is feeble. She lived for sharing and we learned it from her.

So, my brother is a helper, I try to help and then there is our sister. She is most like our mother and does what she believes our mother would do. She does it well. Now Jan would tell you that she does not have the gift of mercy. I agree. You would not accuse her of being warm and fuzzy, but she is kind. She helps and does not turn her back on a need. She is strong and we have talked, she and I, about choosing strength. The strength we choose might not look like strength to some people, but it is strength just the same. It requires a choice to be all that God asks us to be, for as long as we can. Life is short and God has given us many, many character building opportunities. Well,

I can tell you that My sister’s strength has surged in these recent months. She has taken it upon herself to be the House matriarch. She has lived hard, caring for her own family and dealing with sadness on numerous fronts, while determining to be whatever our brother needs his sister to be. She has baked and driven and cooked and carried and picked and prayed and knitted and loved and she has done it in a most exemplary and spectacular way. I have wished, these past months that I could participate in the joy and struggle of Doing, for this family of mine. God has said, “Not this Time” and I haven’t liked it one bit.

We have been a family, far apart and yet, the ties are strong. God led us all in different directions and gifted us with unity of heart. We are all Jesus lovers and followers and that has pulled us tight. We are different in huge, wide cavernous ways and we are family. I want God to heal this brother and make him whole again. I want God to do more good things for this family and the older we get and the more members that are added, the more we need to depend upon God and His wise counsel and wisdom. How Then shall We Live? We shall live bowed down in submission to Him, because we trust Him with our lives. He is the author and the finisher and He will do what He knows to be best.

That’s a relief

Teach your children to share. Teach them to give when they don’t feel like it and to help when help is needed. We are broken people and God is whole and living and teaching us still. He is never ever not in control. He is always full of power and does not relinquish His hold on what is His and that is Everything. Don’t be fooled by all that you hear. God is very much alive and no matter the condition of the world and the unGodly attitudes everywhere, He is working out His perfectly designed plan.

Thankful!

Just Look at us Now

life,

In the late afternoon yesterday, it was quiet here at the cottage. The children big and small, were gone and I took my coffee, buttered banana bread, cheese and two books to the red chair on the dock. The lake was quiet and I sat. The books stayed closed and I looked out at the water, still. It seemed that everybody had gone from all around and it was just me, sitting. From far away I could hear the rumbling and looking west, the sky was black. My weather app told me there was a severe storm warning and I kept sitting and watching it come closer.

Until I was in my early twenties, thunder storms scared me. Alot. I’m glad I’ve been freed from that fear, because watching a storm roll in and out is an infrequent pleasure now, in my mid life. (soon I will add ‘late’ before the mid) I slowly gathered my belongings and began the climb back to the cottage, preparing for a lightening show. It didn’t happen. There was some noise, a bit of deeper, stronger thunder, before the sun shone through the clouds, before the sun set. I was disappointed for a minute and then carried on.

The pile of pillowcases needing to be ironed, has been growing and I have been waiting for an opportunity to work on them. Since the Staley three were little, I have done most of my ironing sitting in front of a movie. At a time when ironing is a thing of bygones, I have given myself permission to tackle the ironing while relaxing. My favourite bedding these days is the Costco Kirkland brand. It is smooth and comfortable and although it isn’t ridiculously expensive, you might be fooled when crawling into bed. Now, I don’t iron my sheets, but I do iron the pillowcases when I get to them and last night I got to them and watched a movie while I did.

I hesitate to give reviews on movies, because everybody has differing ideas about what is worthwhile and what isn’t. My perimeters are as follows: Any movie I view must have some redeeming element. There are bad things happening all around me, but I refuse to spend two hours, willingly subjecting my heart and brain to a movie that will ultimately give me nightmares and leave me in a state of Dark, for hours and days. You can’t UNwatch something. The movie I chose last night might raise some eyebrows, but I watched it once before, years ago and have been wanting to watch it again, to see if it was as I remembered. This movie is sad, which I often don’t love and there are questionable parts, but the redemption is a beautiful thing. The mercy, grace and restoration, out of foolishness, pain and loss, broke my heart and gave me hope all at once. I love this movie and even recommend it. The Painted Veil is worth watching and I ordered it from Amazon because I could not find it anywhere else. Maybe you will watch it and if you do, let me know what you think.

The winds of change have been blowing, howling. The thing is, with wind, that it can change direction and the uprooting you expected, the destruction you anticipated, becomes a nonevent. Then there are the storms that bring wind and upheaval and the debris and aftermath is hard to make sense of. Hard to make right. So many different outcomes. People storms can be similar. I have lived through storms. I have caused storms and the remembering of those can add up to regret.

So here we are, in the middle of the biggest and most frightening storms of my lifetime. There is anger, sadness, pain, insecurity, sickness, unrest. How is it that even now, equality for and kindness toward every person that God made can not be counted on? Cannot be assumed? And how is it that after all of these thousands and thousands of years, we still feel that fighting and unrest, will solve our problems? Freedom to believe and to speak, are quickly being taken from us and we are getting closer to the time when, if we believe something other than what we are told we must believe, the consequences will be unspeakable. Couple these things with productivity, order, the reality of what makes the World actually function and we are left with chaos. God designed the World and the people in it. We have thrown away the “walk humbly with your God” part and I’m tempted to be scared. Satan is laughing his foolish head off and he thinks he has us where he wants us. Does he? Well, he may have US unfortunately, but we are nothing but clay, dust. God wins. It’s still His World and He wins. We may lose, but Him, Never.

Proverbs 27:1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.

Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good;
    and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
    and to walk humbly with your God?

The justice and the kindness are right. The “walk humbly with your God” part, is more right. In all of the kindness and all of the justice, if the walking humbly with your God, part is left out, we’ve missed the point. Everything, always, forever, Amen is about God and His Glory.

When I sat down to write today, the things I wanted to say, that I wanted to tell you, were blowing in and settling heavy. As I write, I ask God to take the words of my heart. I ask Him to keep the words unknown and to silence the sharing, if they are not beneficial and helpful.

Gracious, kind and all knowing God. We do not know you. We do not know your thoughts or your intentions aside from what you have told us. Forgive us for assuming. forgive us for evil. Let the Words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, honouring to your ways and helpful to the created. Have mercy upon us, because we are a mess and messy. Let us love you first, before our love of pleasure and comfort and wealth and accomplishment and peace and joy and beauty. Help us God, to see only you and your will. Then, Then, Then you can tell us and show us what comes next.

Here’s the good. Here’s the lovely and the redemption. We never stop learning, if we are willing. I am willing to become willing. I want to cover my eyes and ears at the remembrance of past hard, difficult, trouble. But the mercies, the new day, the learning that’s just out front, just over there, it’s a beauty. We are to stand, but we are not to fight. Take action and live fully. God fights for us and He is wiser and stronger and will win.

And the end of this post is actually what I intended from the start. I want to tell you what you already know. Life changes and evolves. The end has come, for Hillside BnB. It has been a lovely thing. It began as a solace for a difficult time. I prepared the beds and made the coffee and threw the door open, to strangers from far and wide. I welcomed them and shared a place of comfort and joy. God spoke to people who might not know of His Love, here, at Hillside. From the start I jumped in and knew a confidence that was not my own. It was for a time. The time is past. Some have asked if they would still be welcome here. The answer is Yes. For those who have been and gone or who haven’t been but so wanted to visit, let me know. The warmth and hospitality is still part of this place. As long as God allows me to live and breathe, sharing and listening and yes, even some talking, will define this spot on the bay.

Just before I leave you, I want to tell you about a book. It’s called New Morning Mercies. There are many, many, many, devotionals on the shelves these days. You can find whatever you want. I have quite a few of them on my own shelves and just as we all have different views on movies and philosophies and life in general, we also have different views on what is helpful in our daily growth. I happened upon Mr. Tripp by accident. His devotional sounded good and had great reviews, so I ordered it. I find it to be beautifully written. It sits on my nightstand and gets lots of use.

My friend, Marilyn, gave me a copy for Christmas and now I have one at the cottage too. I love it and highly recommend it.

devotional

Thanks for sitting with me today. May Blessing upon Blessing be yours as you turn your eyes to the one and only. The God of All Things. He is the only one who will ever conquer fear of the unknown and bring right from wrong.

Lovingly,

Pam

It’s a Perfect Time to Try Some New Recipes

life

We don’t have to like ‘it’, but we do need to navigate ‘it’. We might feel just a bit cooped and want to stomp to our room. The rebel in me feels like yelling, “ya, well I’m staying ‘home’ but on the inside I’m out there having coffee and scones with my friends.” Since I am much too responsible these days, to venture far, I thought, hey, why not have a get together with friends, through the blog. I hope you are all staying joyful and remembering to think about all that is wonderful about this time of solitude.

You know I like to cook ,whether there’s a pandemic wreaking havoc with the World, or I am just hanging out at home feeling like being creative. I’m thankful for the gift of enjoying the kitchen and its things. The past few weeks have been different, quite. Aside from the very odd (no kidding. Face masks, disposable gloves, disinfecting wipes, little eye contact between entering and exiting stores) trip to the grocery store and some long walks, cleaning my pantry, scouring the sinks, tubs, floors, countertops fairly regularly, laundry, cooking meals, I have spent uninterrupted time in the kitchen. Sometimes there’s been music playing and sometimes it has been quiet. I like both. Today I’m sharing with you a few of my favourite recipes, made with love and enjoyment during these days of confinement. Maybe you will try them. Maybe you will be inspired. Maybe you will share with someone else who will enjoy making them for you.

These aren’t my usual tea biscuits, but I wanted something different to serve with the soup I made a few weeks ago. https://www.food.com/recipe/rich-tea-biscuits-74691

I’ve made bagels a few times in the past, but recently I made one of Tieghan Gerard’s recipes. These ones from Sally’s Baking Addiction https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/?s=bagels&submit=

Tieghan Gerard is a cooking genius and her website is not only beautiful, but user friendly and the recipes delicious. I made these last week and they were good, people. https://www.halfbakedharvest.com/pretzel-bagels

I am on a constant quest for the BEST cookies. I like cookies, a lot! This quest of mine may just be an excuse to eat all the cookies, every sort and variety. I have bumped into Sarah Kieffer’s pan banging cookies often. She has been featured in The New York Times and is a cookbook author. I whipped up her recipe last week. https://www.thekitchn.com/pan-banging-chocolate-chip-cookie-recipe-268 . Sarah Kieffer makes good cookies. These end up being crispy, so if you prefer a soft cookies, they won’t be your first choice. I would however, if I was a pushy person, tell you to try them, just once and decide after you eat one (or four) if you will make them a second time. What’s the harm in trying?

And then of course, there are my old faithfuls. The Very Best Blueberry Muffins, Raisin Bran muffins and Dinner rolls, better known as Nano Buns!

My mom, Nano2, along with many women of her generation, would pick a day every few days or weeks, that would be ‘bun’ day. Why a whole day, you ask? Well, because.

When Mom made buns they didn’t have a name. They weren’t dinner rolls, or rolls, or brioche. Mom’s buns were just that, buns. She would rise in the morning and first thing, get her yeast going. The process began, the cups and cups of flour added, the big green plastic bun bowl prepared. When I came from school at lunch, maybe the dough was almost ready to be shaped into the little round morsels. When I came home after school at the end of the day, the smell wafted to the road and the buns were probably sitting in rows and rows of hot buttered goodness, taking up every inch of the almost too small counter. Those were good days. Happy! Later, much later, after my dad, Papa had gone to Heaven and Nano would come to visit us in Toronto, she would make buns. It was then, when Timothy was four and Stephen was two, that buns became Nano Buns. Now, in the past month, the fourth generation, our little Ashton, has added his own version of the name. Nano Buns have become Nano’s Buttons! I like it! In those days, when the third generation was young, I had not yet mastered the art of bun making and Nano would leave for her home in B.C. only after filling my little deep freeze with, buns. For most of his elementary school years, Stephen took a bun or two filled with peanut butter, for lunch. Yes! Every. Single. Day. That was of course back when peanut butter was not a banned substance. It is a very good thing that Stephen was young child in the 90’s and not the 21st century. Phew!! I tend to guess at my bun recipe and often eyeball the dough, adjusting ingredients until I get the consistency I’m looking for. That is not helpful to you, at all, so I am linking a recipe that is very similar to mine. Try it! https://www.momontimeout.com/the-best-dinner-rolls-recipe/

Right now, Stephen and I are at the cottage, alone. He has been distancing for weeks. I have been distancing for almost as long. When I walked through the door, the first question was, “have those bags been sanitized? Um, No! I just got here! So together, we began the process of sanitizing the bags, the food, the countertops, etc. The spray bottle sits at the ready and the hand washing is in full swing. I won’t even get into the types of food sitting on the counter when I arrived yesterday. It’s a good thing I arrived when I did. Who knows how many more days he could have survived on what he was consuming. Stephen is a banker and let me tell you, this is no holiday for bankers. He was on the phone when I got up this morning and since that call he has been on other calls, continuously and it’s been eight hours and counting. He’s set up at the kitchen table and surrounded by his things. You know, computer, phone, very tall water glass, large coffee cup. Every few hours I prepare something for him to eat and set it in front of him. He mouths a “thank you” and continues. I’m surprised he hasn’t lost his voice and that’s quite a statement from ME. He eats while he’s listening, rarely speaking with his mouth full. His lunch today contained no peanut butter. It did however consist of the most delicious potato leak soup and two sandwiches of meat and cheese (no butter, or any other substance. Just meat and cheese) on nothing other than a Nano Bun. Now that I have mastered the making of Nano’s buns and since she introduced me years and years ago, to instant yeast, there are days when I begin a batch of buns a couple of hours before dinner. There are rarely buns in my freezer. Since buns can now be made in a very short time, I prefer to make them in small batches. Easy and rewarding, Because there is nothing, really nothing at all like a fresh, warm, Nano bun with dinner.