It’s here again and came fast

It’s been 360 days since we last celebrated, well, sort of celebrated
Thanksgiving.
Last year it was on the 11th, the second Sunday of October as always and I remember it vividly and will remember 2015 and its Thanksgiving Day
because
that is the day Nano went to Heaven.

I don’t think I told you about the mistake I made on that emotion soaked day and how awful it could have ended. Where was my head and how could I have done such a thing?
God, mercifully showed me
Again
that He is so good and cares about my heart.

I didn’t mean to do such a dumb, ridiculous thing and since that day,
it was the end and the beginning all wrapped up together,
it makes me weak to remember.
Even
distressing and I have had to, on
so
many
days
bow low and say
Dear God
you are good and have saved me from regret and instead have given me one. more. reason, to thank you.

It went like this.

I had taken myself to the hospice where Nano was, reclining and declining and had been, for five beautiful, sun filled, autumn days.  I had sat close for a few hours each day and it
was joyful, heartbreaking, sweet.
Sunday
Thanksgiving Day
a young nurse told us Nano was different that day.
IT
was getting closer.   I sat and she slept and loved ones came and sat and left and came back again.
Well, I’ve told you how Nano liked nice neat hair and did not hesitate to express her displeasure when the hair of a loved one was looking unruly, unkempt.
She was beyond such comments as I sat next to her that day but I was nearing the shetland pony, pekingese puppy, stage. You know the one.
You’ve seen ribbons or clips securing forelocks and bangs, so the creatures can see. That was my state
and I made the critical decision to do something about it.

At 2:00 PM that afternoon I drove myself 15 minutes to the closest hair salon, where earlier that day I had made an appointment and
I left my dying mother’s bedside to take care of aesthetics.
I sat there, in the chair and the nice young man asked how my day was going.
I told him my mother was going to die that day and can’t remember much of his response except that he snipped a bit faster and spoke a little less and my heart was overflowing with fear, regret, anxiety and even,
yes
grief.
Prayer was on my lips  as I raced south and came close to skidding off the road.    I turned onto the looooooong driveway to the hospice and asked, begged even, that He
God
would forgive my prideful and self absorbed soul and allow me to speak to my mama one more time. I asked Him to show mercy where it wasn’t deserved,
yet again
and get me there in time to hold her warm hand and get a glimpse of her eyes
before he took her
Home.
I had been with her for almost a month and had watched life leave her. Just days before, we had chatted about
well
about things that mattered to us then.   We had smiled and she had eaten a few bites and grimaced with pain and smiled and eaten a few more bites and I had taken her for some pushes in the wheelchair and we had breathed in deep of the fresh Alberta air.
To be near for so many days and decide to leave in the last moments, was more than I could bear, although the decision had been my own to make.
Running and crying and hoping and praying and looking past the dear ones standing close, I saw her eyes and she saw mine and I sat down and held her hand and prayed and thanked
He who is the giver and taker of life.
His blessing to me that day was to give my mother enough strength to stay alive until I could get to her bedside.
Before she closed her eyes for the last time she saw my eyes and my nicely trimmed bangs and I am pretty sure it made her happy.
There was peace and there was warmth and
she left us quietly and sweetly on that
Thanksgiving Day.

Thank you Jesus for letting me hold her hand until she exhaled for the last time.

She isn’t missing us today. She is home.
Nevertheless
I assure you that we miss her and there will never again be a Thanksgiving Day that comes and goes without us stopping to remember,
a bossy, opinionated, determined, capable, hard working, irritatingly right, kind, generous,

Loving mother

There is a time to Live and there is a time to Die and even though we die, we will live
forever
if we know Jesus who is the author and the finisher of our Faith.   He is the resurrection and the Life. (John 11:25)

I went for a walk a bit ago and the sun was shining and the leaves are turning and the air is fresh.   I talked to God as I did. He and I have had some chats these past weeks about the sweet gift of life He has given me.   We have chatted about the memories that have been very vivid this month, of Nano and her last days.  We have chatted about the look of my life here.  We have chatted about some of the work He has for me to do.   It’s good that He is patient and it’s good that He doesn’t count how often He forgives and encourages
me.
He lets good and bad touch our hearts and through all of it, His plan is that we will glorify Him. It isn’t selfish of Him like some people say.   It’s so good for us to praise Him.   Good for us.  It gives purpose to our beating hearts.   Purpose with eternal value.  Oh, there are lots of opportunities to praise Him.  We can praise Him by doing what He asks us to do.  It’s called, obedience.  It’s called, watching and listening and then, doing.

Thanksgiving Day is still Three away. This year it is on the 9th. The 11th is two days further away and I think from now on I will celebrate Thankfulness
twice in October.

It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to your name, O Most High
Psalm 92:1